wht r u made of ?

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Weird. I can't feel my legs. What's all this? Well, certainly not a dream, that looks just like a nightmare, a perfect one, the one I'm dying in the end, but it's still real life, with the whole part of dying and things, so what's all this about? to have fun? feel free to it. feel loved? to love someone? how sure can you be that you're not going to be hurt as soon as you turn your back on doing something else. well, news flash, you don't, you just have to trust and, in the end, this is the worst part. that part you have to look around, not seeing the one you wanted to, so hard, but you have to deal that everybody got its own life and you don't own anyone so you've got let 'em go, by themselves, so what? what's all about this? what are you made of? do you have a place to die on? somewhere to rest and to think about life and stuff, so what? who parked the car on the sidewalk? who does the shit? who gives a shit? well, news flash, you do... and as much as you want to stop giving a fuck, I can't stop thinking about what you've been doing or who you've been with, or even talked to, because - you know - these things are important to me, way much more than the television crap shows, for example, but you're more important to me than even feed myself. it doesn't sound right but I'd like to know ya' even better and I'd like to own ya' even more, but I' can't actually deal with myself, how could I possibly deal with someone else? well, I guess my only option, again, is to trust, which is what I'm worst of it, because - you know - I've been through a lot of shit last time I've gave myself completely to someone else, then I've got my heart broken and had my arms cut, for some unknown reason we're not actually discussing right now, or even here. wait, what? why does that guy hit on you all the time? why do you sound proud of calling that much attention? some things I just can't buy, it seems I'm just going to have to leave it all behind and forgive it all. maybe one day I'll get that and I'll be living cool and refresh. someday we'll be part of our own bodies and then we'll be able of living a life better, together or not, I want you with me, for good. as long as you don't kill me for being a jerk, I want you right next to me, forever and ever, do you want to make this last forever? okay, the references again - blink-182 was this last one - haha, here's a thing: you and me; two kids and a dog... what do you say, honey? want to live our lives like we're always good? could you promise me to give your best onto me while I'd do the same to ya'? this is the time I feel alone during the night: 3:10am and I just can't sleep - I'm listening "Rap God" by Eminem and it's crazy as hell - I should put some MIKA on and try to get some sleep. whatever, I enjoy to share with ya' a couple of my thoughts on us and I think we're doing great, a great time, serious shit. don't get me wrong when you see me "hearting" a bunch of bodies and adult crap - it's a reasonable way of killing the time I'm without ya' - just think about it: I'm without you, I'm thinking about you, I can think you hate me or I can hit like upon some unknown asses and untouchables ones. get it? it can make some sense if you think about it: like, it's better than letting my mind playing tricks on me, right? besides, the pictures are beautiful their way and I've told ya' how much you and our sex experience had been driving me crazy, right? it's serious shit. you really know how to ride and stuff, but what then? what do I've got from all this? well, I can give a "heart" on some internet pic, but I'm sure about the only body I'm looking for in real life, of course, it's yours. well, but here's another thing: you drive me nuts and you know that, besides, it's amazing how open and free you allow me to be with you, about everything, and more, about sex, love, relationship, friendship, college, work, enjoying life, family, our past, future, what we're having now and even what we're going to watch next weekend. gosh, that's serious business. I do love you and I do feel great with you, so I shouldn't have anything to complain about it. why do I still make drama when a guy likes and comment all of your pictures from a social media, or sometimes you do the same on his? why would I care that a plenty of guys thumbs up your profiles pictures every time you change it, or how would I be jealous of you talking to 'em? now even with female friends, again, why would I do that? why would I care about your co-workers taxing you all around even when you've said you wouldn't take taxis from them? again, what am I made of? I don't know, maybe I'm just waiting for the time you really find someone more interesting, of whoever can drive you crazy in a way I'd never be capable of. maybe deep inside, I'm just afraid of being myself, then I think everything I ever done wasn't good enough for you, then I think everyone around you can do better. yea, I'm a mess, I know that, but you know what? I still love ya' and I'm trying my best here not to bother you with these silly shit I've been doing. I'm still thinking on those two kids and that dog. I'm still thinking about that menage and who you would pick to be with us both and... wait, what? haha again, don't get me wrong. it's just a fantasy. again, what am I made of? can I tell you my last nightmare? I mean, last afternoon, I've dreamed about a couple involved in a car accident, unfortunately their three little kids were on the back seats. little babies. they've got injured, badly, I remember the dad's face getting out of the car and - crying as hell - staring at the barely dead bodies of their own kids. it was sad. I've hear - during the dream - that the wife had and affair with some random guy of her work and her husband found out, so they were in a middle of a discussion so couldn't realize the stop sign and, in a high speed, their car went directly into a truck's side. the truck's driver were fine, that husband's life were gone, even alive, he found out his wife had an affair, got involved in a car accident, injured and still saw his three little angels' last breathes. she died that day too.

I don't know what to say... What was that? Haha

I guess this is how my mind works, sometimes. I like to write to you and keep writing, without knowing exactly where the sentences are going or how I'm finishing up. That's the whole charm in the end, right? To open myself as much as I can and let all the thoughts appear on the words.

I hope you can understand this madness and forgive me for all the things I've possibly have done wrong to you and, please, don't forget that I love you and I'll always want to be with you and, as much as I can, I want to know about you, because that's what puts me up all day long: you. I care about you. Now and forever. I want you with me, as long as you don't get bored and tired of me. Love. Love. Love. I love you, my darling.

Serious business. 

Love ya'.

Respectfully,

Your Man

Screenplay

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"And... Action!"

"Easy boy, I'm robbing you. This watch comes with me. Take it easy"

"Wait, that's being in my family for years, you can't do that, please."

"Shut up!"

"Ju-just take it... Uh, just take something else."

"I've said, SHUT UP!"

"Well, then..."

"Woah, easy..."

"Take it, son of a bitch!"

"Stop it!"

"WHAT? STOP IT? YOU DESERVE WAY FUCKING MORE THAN THIS AND THAT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER. STAY CLOSE, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME HELL, YOU MAD QUEER!"

"Ok! Ok! For God's sake, I surrender, I give up!"

"YOU GIVE UP, YO LIL' QUEER? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING WITH ME?"

"Stop it! Please! Stop it! Take it back, keep the watch. I give up!"

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL A WORD, YOU LIL' DUMBASS, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING WITH ME? FIRST YOU COME HERE TO JACK ME AND THEN YOU CAN'T TAKE A LIL' FIGHT, YO' JACKASS! WHO HAVE YOU THOUGHT YOU'VE MESSED UP WITH? JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT IT AND LEAVE YOU THIEVES STEEL FROM THEM, DO YOU REALLY THINK I'LL LET YOU RUN AWAY WITH MY FUCKING STUFF? YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU'LL SEE SOME OF IT. YOU'LL DIE, MOTHERFUCKER, YA', THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE A GUN AND YOU WILL BE FUCKING DEAD OVER THIS. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. RIGHT OVER THIS. YOU'RE DONE, YOU ASSHOLE, TAKE A FUCKING TASTE OF A DAMN BULLET, LIL' BASTARD!"

"And... Cut! That was nice, but you've got to YELL IT when it's on caps, goddamn!"

Next.

The screenplay.

{photo: dark photography, black and white in a cold and rainy day - high contrast as low bright;}

{scenario: empty street; it's night and there's a few people at the frame;}

"A man coming back home is stopped by a thief who tries to steel him by grabbing his watch from his back and threatening him, but the man turns out and reacts to the thief and block his try. They start to fight with each other and the man gets really furious, beating the thief harder and harder in every single punch and kick he's able to give it."

{sound: gun fired;}

A Nobody's Home Novel, by Jon Kim - a random chines guy who gives a fuck about being wrong or right and just wants to make his movies, his style, at his own way, but his only regret is never getting money enough to hire a professional staff, so he needs to make it everything up into his own, which reflects negatively on his movies, just like this one that he was making try outs to the main characters. No one seemed to be good enough for the roll, unfortunately for our hero, Kim.

Hold me .

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-Yo' better call me an ambulance.
-Uh... why?
-I don't know, I think I need a ride to the next hospital.
-Uh... why?
-You ask too much, my friend. I'm sick here. Can't you see it?
-Yes.
-Wait... What? How?
-Your eyes... I don't know.
-Is there something wrong with my eyes?
-Yeah, weren't they green?
-Ye-yes... which color are they now?
-Kind of blu-blue... I mean, it seems a lil' bit more blue to me.
-Uh... what? Are you kid... are you?
-Is is going to rain?
-Nah... it's just because I'm sad.
-Wait... Why are you sad?
-Where is my ambulance?
-C'mon... tell me.
- ...
- ?

I've got to get this feeling off my chest

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What am I doing tonight? I don't know for sure.

Am I going home. It could be.

I wish that I could drive myself to your place.

...and stay.

I wish that I was your first and main subject in all your conversations.

Sometimes I really think I'd love you even more if you had no friends.

...at all.

It hurts to think that I'm this obsessed, again.

Nice to meet you, honey. It's a pleasure to see you.

My name is Sickness, nickname Love.

...and smile.

Unfortunately I'd be always waiting more and more from you.

I think you will never be able to fill this black space on my, because you'll never get it.

I need you to the most, but it's more than that.

I need your attention, your dedication and your smile.

I'm sick, I'm being honest when I say I want you, to the most.

...and cry.

I cry because I don't have you. You're truly tired of this feeling I'm putting you on.

I cry because it doesn't seem that you care that much, I'm sorry, it seems fake to me.

...fuck.

I love you, but I can't hold this.

I love you, but I don't think you're able to love me back the way I wanted to.

Because you're a regular person, with regular feelings and thoughts.

I'm a freak. Body and soul.

Let me tell you a story: once upon a time, a boy who lived in his room, listening to his songs, doing his stuff. Suddenly a girl took him off from that place and started to show him how beautiful life outside could be, he loved it. Actually, he became addicted to it and her. She gave him everything that made possible for him to think that he ruled the world, even her soul. Heart, body and soul. She was a freak too. They've loved themselves very much, but he realized he missed his room, his stuff, his lyrics and his earlier dreams... He was being destroyed by the facts, the new stuff... he started to hated. He gave himself to the most and started to hate to be that way. His sick version of a nowhere boy. The worst part of it. He left her. He was alone now... into this brand new world. I guess this is growing up, isn't ? Well, It is, but he hated to be growing. He missed every single inch of his room. Then he found a blond and sexy girl who putted his up and started to love him and care him in a way he was never loved and carried. Again he was thrown into that world, but now sick and tired of everything, despite the fact now he had a girlfriend. She loved him, to the most. She wanted him to the most. Then he got desperate for her and her green eyes, and her blond hair, and her thought, ideas, dreams... but it wasn't enough, because she lived that world way more time than him and she had more experience with the people around. Let me tell you something... he was crazy for that girl, she gave love back, but it wasn't enough. He used to dream about a room with 'em both. Living together and alone. Together and away from everyone else... Unfortunately she had a home. A place to take care. Friends to care about and laugh with it. A family. It'd be completely sick for her to give away everything and run away with a sick version of a sick boy who used to live inside of a room, sleeping all day long and listening too much crappy music about his loneliness. In fact, he started to wait another attitude from her. He started to think that she wasn't giving herself that much. At least, not the much he wanted to. He became aggressive with words, and he started to doubt on every single line she said... and every single smile was false to him. Then he felt like he was the only one on the mood. The only one crazy about that relationship, but what he haven't realized that time was that she didn't need him the much he used to need her. She had the control of her life, thoughts and feeling, but he hadn't. She could live a life without him, he couldn't. In fact, every time they were down in the relationship, she could easily start to talk to someone else, laugh about some random joke and forget about the issues that boy was giving to her, but he couldn't. The he started to complain about it. It was the worst thing he could ever done. He started to piss her off and instead of smiles he started to make her cry. Sadly, he gave up. He started to be good with every thing he received, then he started to realized that he was luck if he, at least, had her "good morning" every single day. I don't think that boy could make her happy, ever again, but he was okay with anything she had to him, even if it was a single "hello" word or the silence. He was okay, because he started to not expect anything from her, because she wasn't able to give to him that sick and obsessive love he wanted to the most, guess why, because she had a life and he hadn't.

Love you.

Sincerely yours.

always kit .

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I should tattoo that on my skin. Should I? Is it enough to?

Fuck.
I'm sick.

What are you? What am I? Are we something? Do not try this ever again. This stupid act thing, you know? Why would you do something like that, is it causing me this pain? Thank you for the ride, but I'm getting thinner.

It was not supposed to be the same, but the feeling is going on and on and I'm enjoying the way I've never enjoyed before. I really think I should write this notes down in some diferente language - some french, japanese or even chinese - just to make sure you wouldn't never get it right.

I don't want you to see me like this. Like, my real face. The real me.
Who are you talking to? Do you know how long ittakes to paint the mask?

How it hurts to be like a non-version of yourself and your wills, to have pain because you know everybody will get bored of you...

But I'm lazy, I'm just feeling nauseous about this whole growing up thing going on throught my mind and I should, really, stop complaining about life and enjoy what I have now, even if it's not that much as I wanted to, the way I was expecting, or it's not going to last forever as I'd love to.

Life sucks in hell.

Enjoy it.

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"Why so silent? Hard to stay shut."

What the hell are you trying to say? I just can't enjoy silence, it always means bad things are coming and I'm still complaining about every single thing I'm seeing right now. I hate when you stop talk to me or when you seem not to care much about it. I want to talk about this. I want to hear you and I want to have a lil' chat with your beautiful naked face. Face to face.

"I" - There is too much "me" into the situation, but why not "you"? What do you regret to the most?

I'm sick of myself. I want to leav you alone, then if get too emotional, please pull me back and when I get too scared, please let me face my own demons and when I get too boring, just take me away from yourself. Get tired, then kick me off. Enough suffering. Enough complaining.

Do you want to enjoy "LIFE" with me?

At least while we're still happy and in love? for ourselves? for each other?

Am I being too rude? Too fast? Too serious? Dramatic, maybe?

In a hard way, you say things aren't easy. Well, I see no limits to enjoy ourselves with no need to hurt our people around.

A brand new start.

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"Não me leve a mal. Eu percebo a dor ao meu redor. Eu não tenho um coração tão duro assim, eu não sou algum tipo de monstro. Eu cometi erros, mas eu percebi antes de ser tarde demais.

A vida é tão cheia de surpresas.

Meus sonhos sempre foram abençoados, a maioria se realizou. E eu achei que eu já fui feliz o suficiente antes de ter sido infeliz por tempo demais. Eu pensei que eu não fosse mais sentir aquele calafriou na espinha dizendo “vá em frente, acredite, é o certo". Eu pensava que a vida já tinha me dado o suficiente, e me tirado, mas no fundo ela ainda estava guardando surpresas para mim.

Eu deixei de me cuidar, de me amar, de uma forma que eu nunca vou me perdoar por ter feito. Mas o fato de ter alguém que tenha te visto quando você já estava no fundo, e ter te valorizados nos pequenos detalhes, ah, esse sentimento não tem palavras. E quando eu achei que já não tinha mais nada lá na frente para mim, antigos sonhos tomam frente e com força total. Obrigada.

Tudo que tenho a dizer, por hora, é que uma nova vida começou."

-Mirian Hegler

"Let it all out. These are the things I can do without." -Disturbed .

Songs we Sing, the playlist. #01

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Life starts now.

Separated in acts.

First act: Daniel Johnston and no one else.

Every single act – except the first one, saved the fact Kurt Cobain used to wear a shirt in reference – should have a nirvana’s song. That is the way it will be ‘till I decide to cut the crap out of this.

Starts from the beginning.

Phase #01 – “Life Sucks Now!”

Hi, I think I’m Dave… Doug… no, I’m Laura Jane Grace. Hell no.

Whoever I am, I ain’t nobody. Nothing, but a teenager with no self-respect and no self-esteem.

I owe myself too much a thing called love, but we’re not talking about this, are we? Well, we will.

First song to the playlist, it’s a Daniel Johnston’s piece of art called “True Love Will find you in the End” and basically talks about hope. I’ve found my hope now, but in 2007, I thought I’d have none. The way I use to treat myself and saw things and people hung me out to dry, it was awful. Anna just kicked me out live several times and I used to love her, suddenly I was on the bottom of the bottom.

I’ve found satisfaction with Daniel’s voice. He helped me a lot with “Rarely”, “Hi, How Are You?” and “Love Defined”. He has a few others titles that drove me crazy that year. After that, I’d only drug myself with his songs in 2009, listening too much his simplicity and honest way to make music. Sounding like a little child, unsafe and full of fears.

A lesson I can take from him is that the true and honest love will find you, somehow, in the end. I was sure about this and he really meant. Then I’ve moved away.

Phase #02 – “I May Have a Chance to Get Along This.”

From drug to drug, I’ve always tried to heal myself. Now I’ve found a girl in my first month living in a new place. I hated her at the first look, but who was I to decline someone? The stupid kid, who came from nothing, well… I’ve found my most powerful drug. The one took my life away, made a real bad mess on me. I’ve found another “Ana”, but now with a puberty growing on me.

In a good start, I’d thought I could handle everything. She made me strong and full of energy.

However, I was wrong and my life got into a tunnel with no light in the end. She lost her mother and I was now creating a baby. A little devil’s baby. She was okay for a while, ‘till the first suicide attempt, when I’ve realized I’d be responsible for her happiness, but no one would ever take care of mine. I was okay with that. I’ve agreed that my life would be “Always Like This”.

“Always Like This” by Bombay Bicycle Club.

The song starts: “She can wait, for what I can give. She knows what I am, but she won’t believe me” – which make the perfect sense to that time. I was nothing but a fake dickhead with her. I couldn’t be myself, then I’ve started to pretend, otherwise I’d lose my promise to keep her with me for the rest of our lives and take care of her. Awfully, that wasn’t me… I won’t say I’m a douchebag who gave a shit about her feelings, but I was acting with pity, not love. Pity.

The song goes on: “Kept it at bay, yes you kept your words. There on your mouth, but it's not what I heard” – I used to say things that I couldn’t believe. I’ve started to lie to her and to myself. She loved it, because she was feeling great that somebody was caring about her.

The song repeats, “I’m not whole, you waste it all” – which are the words that had repeat in my mind for the rest of that torture. I was wasting my life, my thoughts and plans. I was giving myself too much.

The next piece: “Gimme Sympathy” by METRIC is another song about hope, but not mine now.

I truly love this song and it makes me happy as hell, but it could be easily the story told by her words, the way she hadn’t even time to take a picture, as the song sings, or how she loved to make me pick one thing up between two of her choices – in the lyrics: “Who'd you rather be? The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?” and with and ironic voice: “Oh seriously”. The lyrics talk for itself, but it’s cool to say that’s how I thought she lived the moment. “Like here comes the sun”. Promises and promises. No truth around.

With “Across the Universe” – by Fiona Apple - I’ve found an only line that had torture: “Nothing is going to change my world” at the chorus. I hated myself for this, but I was hopeless. The things got even worse and I didn’t know what to do, no more. Then I gave up myself.

“Coffee and TV” was my life now. This Blur’s song is happy with a sad voice, despite the backing vocals that sound weird, but the song represents a time that I took myself to do nothing but eat and watch TV, or use the computer for no good reason. I’ve watched porn a lot and ate a lot of junk food I shouldn’t eat.

It became a time I started to give a crap about everything. 

However, the lyrics shows a little bit of the chances I’ve done to get my relationship better.

The chorus goes like: “So give me coffee and TV, easily. I've seen so much, I'm going blind and I'm brain dead virtually. Sociability is hard enough for me. Take me away from this big bad world and agree to marry me, so we can start over again.” – These words show how stupid I was. Man, I hated myself even more, but now I couldn’t care no more reaching a point I was doing shits like bringing her inside home and asking her to marry me, in a dumb try to make everything work again.

Portishead touched my soul with “Mysterons” – which talks about refusing to surrender, says that inside the pretending, “crimes have been swept aside” all for nothing, and yells at the chorus a question I should have asked myself: “Did you really want?”. The beat goes deep and reaches my mind so intense that can make me smile and laugh hard at the same time that can make me cry as a little baby’s mom.

I have nothing to say about “Online Songs” by Blink-182.

It’s just a great song and the lyrics fit perfectly to everything I was trying to avoid to feel. It talks about Anna and my new drug, Heroin. Some lines to make sense: “I’m hating everything”; “You’re my source of most frustration”; “Everything YOU wished came true” and “Why am I still hanging around when I know it brings me down?” – Because “I wish that this would end…”

The band came along with me for so long. Their sound is so nostalgic and easy to like.

“1979” is such an amazing song by Smashing Pumpkins and it always calm me down, ‘cause I got too tired.

“We don't even care, as restless as we are” is a sad line, but it was true. Sadly true.

The Offspring was one of my favorite bands ever for a couple of years, I’m still on the mood to listen to them that very much, and to this playlist, I’ve picked up All I Want because it starts with: “Day after day

Your whole life's a wreck (…) You get no respect. You get no relief. You gotta speak up and yell out your peace” and then asks to leave me alone, how much I’m sick of no living, just staying alive and that I was hating to be controlled. It explains how she was starting to have control on my thoughts, and me but I wasn’t seeing this ways, because I was blind. 

She never listened to me. I hated the way she pretended to understand me without even have an idea of what I was talking about it. The song ends with the line “If you could just listen, then it might make sense”.

I wasn’t so sure of myself anymore. It’s time for a break.

“Macy’s Day Parade” became a hymn for a possible new beginning. Everything that I wanted was a brand new hope, satisfaction guaranteed, the one I’ve never know. Green Day has a lot of emotion between the acoustic guitar and the soft drumbeat. The good thing about this song is that it makes me feel very good singing it, even out of tune, I can remember the whole lyrics and I’ve always made this a “rehab thing”.

It was just a tough time. I just haven’t realized that yet.

Is being with someone to help that horrible? I mean… I haven’t thought about the consequences, but the fact is that I was completely sure about everything I was doing and by that I mean, I was in love. At least I’ve believed in this for a while, until next summer when I’d be entirely out of this “love” thing and desperately looking for attention that I’ve never got. I was hurt, without facing that as a possible truth.

Fun fact about love: It does not exist at all.

O homem que mudou os Estados Unidos

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Há uma década, o então governo dos Estados Unidos da América, declarou guerra contra o terrorismo, tendo como estopim, o ataque ao World Trade Center e ao Pentágono,
no dia 21 de Setembro de 2001.
Ataques de responsabilidade do grupo fundamentalista-islã Al-Qaeda.

A guerra ainda não acabou, mas já tem um vencedor: Osama bin Laden, líder da Al-Qaeda.
Sim, o terrorismo venceu.

Desde o início da guerra, o povo norte-americano vive com medo de outros ataques terroristas e, com as tropas americanas no campo do inimigo,
os Estados Unidos já perdeu muitos de seus homens em batalhas vergonhosamente sangrentas.
Soldados e milhares de inocentes foram brutalmente mortos em uma guerra que já alcançou a marca dos trilhões de dólares gastos.

Guerra esta que teve raríssimos momentos de inteligência americana, como a ação que, enfim, levou à localização e morte, após uma década, do maior vilão da modernidade,
Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden que, com apenas um golpe, mudou radicalmente a forma de vida dos norte-americanos.

Tira cômica feita por William Leite, cartunista no site Will Tirando.

A forma como o país vem tratando seus visitantes, como se fechou aos imigrantes e como tornou uma simples viagem de avião em uma experiência constrangedora, um grande ritual de tortura, demonstra um pouco do medo norte-americano.

Ao confirmar a morte do terrorista, o governo norte-americano causou uma explosão de euforia na população do país. Euforia esta que pode ser vista como uma expressão de alívio por parte daqueles que mudaram seus costumes desde o 11 de Setembro. Apesar da guerra ainda não ter acabado, acredito que aos poucos, os cidadãos norte-americanos comecem a perder o medo do terrorismo e passem a viver um pouco mais tranquilos e que possam voar pelas linhas aéreas do país sem receio.

Um grande feito, em parceria do gorverno norte-americano e paquistão, tirou um peso grande das costas de milhares de pessoas ao redor do mundo.

O texto acima é baseado em um artigo publicado por Radley Balko ao site Reason.com.

"Yes, bin Laden the man is dead. But he achieved all he set out to achieve, and a hell of a lot more. He forever changed who we are as a country, and for the worse. Mostly because we let him. That isn’t something a special ops team can fix."
Radley Balko em "Osama won" (reason.com)

Get out of the closet.

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Acerca de religiões e uma série de outras coisas
que vem me incomodando um tanto, nesses últimos dias.

Antes de tudo,
gostaría de alertar de que nada dito a seguir deve,
ao menos, ser levado em conta ao formar uma opinião.

Tome nota, apenas:
"Todos os argumentos são válidos, mas nem todos estão certos."
"Teoria e teoria são duas palavras diferentes, apesar da mesma grafia."
"Expor sua opinião é o que faz um ser humano."

Citações à parte,
gostaría de deixar claro que tudo,
absolutamente tudo, escrito a seguir aqui está,
decorrente de uma série de questionamentos, reflexões e conclusões
sobre religião, fé e igreja.

Como um conjunto, como um todo.

Fui criado evangélico cristão desde que me entendo por gente.

A "minha" igreja/religião não tinha uma denominação,
ou seja, sem essas bobagens de "assembléia", "presibiteriana" e afins.
"Tabernáculo da Fé" era tudo o que eu sabia.
A igreja é, em si, Evangélica Cristã e nada mais.

Fui simplesmente jogado lá dentro,
cresci aprendendo doutrinas da igreja
e absorvendo qualquer coisa que dizíam.

É assim, infelizmente, com a maioria,
senão com a totalidade, das pessoas no mundo.

Crescemos dentro da igreja,
sem questionar absolutamente nada.
Quando os questionamentos aparecem,
jogam-nos no coro de jovens, para loucar ao "Senhor".

Na família, poucos ainda frequentam a igreja religiosamente.

Lembro-me claramente do pastor da igreja,
no final de todo culto, dirigindo-se a mim,
questionava os motivos pelos quais eu ainda não havia me batizado.

Eu era criança, esse era o motivo.
Ele não se preocupava com isso,
apenas pressionava minha cabeça contra seu ombro
e esperava q'eu o desse algum motivo plausivel.

Nunca dizía nada,
apenas o mostrava que ainda não estava pronto para tomar banho num rio.

Ainda bem que não o fiz.
Esses fatos ocorreram logo antes d'eu decidir parar de ir a igreja.
E isso se deu ao fato do meu irmão ter parado.

Parei de ir, aos poucos parei de me interessar,
logo, já via minha fé se cabando.
E acabou.

Fora da igreja,
tive uma visão muito mais ampla do mundo como ele realmente é.
Deixei de acreditar que éramos únicos na galáxia, quiçá no universo.

Não.
Eu não acredito em alienígenas verdinhos
que usam suas naves espaciais
para viajar até um planeta distante e o dominar.

Mas acredito sim, que possa haver vida fora do planeta Terra.
Já pensou quantos outros planetas só na Via-Láctea ainda não foram explorados?
Imagine fora da nossa galáxia, em um universo imenso cheio de outras galáxias.
Sem contar o fato de que a ciência já trabalha com a hipótese de não existir apenas um "universo".

Que propriedade você tem para dizer que,
nesse gigante espaço, só o planeta Terra é habitável?
Não acredita que, ao menos, seres tipo bactérias vivam fora dessa galáxia?
Há essa possibilidade, afinal, você ainda não foi lá checar.
Eu acredito que sim.

Ressalto: acredito que sim.

Voltando às igrejas,
sim, sou ateu, e isso não é spoiler mais, é?

Em mente, tenho que é impossível algo vivo,
estar por aí "vigiando" nossos passos e que, depois,
julgará-nos baseado na nossa vida.

Apesar de que, esse mesmo ser, ter mandado um filho à Terra,
para perdoar nossos pecados, os quais, ele já sabía que cometeríamos.

Meu problema com as igrejas vai muito além das crenças sobre a criação da vida,
o que implicaría na existência ou não de um ser invisível que mora lá "em cima".
O meu problema é que, absolutamente todas as religiões se aproveitam de seus fiéis.
Absolutamente todas as igrejas manipulam,
ou são resultados de manipulações feitas baseadas em crenças.

Quem os manipulou?
Eles mesmos que, desde o início das civilizações,
vem pregrando doutrinas baseadas em um livro
ou amontoado de estórias juntadas por aí.

Há toda uma cultura de adoração a seres e espíritos
que vem desde os tempos em que a ciência não existia de fato,
quando as pessoas tentavam explicar, umas às outras, a origem de tudo,
o sentido da vida e o porquê das coisas acontecerem da forma que acontecem.

Jesus Cristo, por exemplo,
já teve diversos nomes antes desse que está em vigor, no momento.

O maior problema é tirar dinheiro das pessoas,
derrubá-las com técnicas primárias,
só para acreditaram que estão com um espírito ruim no corpo.

Todas essa bobagens resumem a maioría das religiões do mundo.
E é incrível que, mesmo após teorias e mais teorias científicas,
pessoas ainda acreditem em alguma coisa dita na igreja ou na bíblia.

Atenção, absolutamente nada se sustenta por si só.
A bíblia é um livro de ficção.
Nada do que está ali aconteceu de fato, ou irá acontecer.
E esta é somente a minha opinião.

-Tenho seis braços e quatro pernas.
-Prove!
-Tenha fé, irmão.

Acredite no que lhe digo, sem questionar.
Não preciso de provas, pois sou a verdade.
Acredite nisso!

Uma vez que alguém diz que algo existe,
algo aconteceu ou vai acontecer,
o mesmo tem que provar o que diz e,
sua própria palavra não é o suficiente.

Concorda?

Nada do que está escrito na bíblia foi, de fato, comprovado.
Tudo é apenas jogado a um grupo de pessoas que aceitam como verdade,
sem questionar, pois foram moldadas a isso.

E passado adiante.

Por favor, jamais parem de questionar.
Foi assim que nos tornamos uma sociedade ignorante e alienável.

O pior de tudo é quando a religião começa a influenciar a sociedade, de maneira negativa.
Odeio ler que tal grupo religioso radical explodiu tal prédio porque determinada religião pregou isso.

Em respeito aos fiéis das diferentes religiões e crenças, vou terminando o texto por aqui.

O texto acima é puro desabafo,
opinião exclusivamente particular.

Atenciosamente,

com o perdão da redundância,

Douglas G Barney


"Conversão" por Harpa Cristã.

"Massa Crítica" (25/02) - Minha humilde opinião sobre o ocorrido.

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Não é de hoje que conhecemos os benefícios de uma pedalada.
A brisa no rosto, a liberdade e a facilidade em estacionar são benefícios pequenos perto do quão bem faz, à saúde, sair de casa de manhãzinha para rodar com uma bicicleta como meio de transporte.

Com o aumento das biciletas e ciclovias nas cidades do país, vinda com o investimento forte no ciclismo e a educação do motorista e do ciclista de maneira correta e adequada, podemos dizer que havería uma diminuição significativa no número de carros que circularíam nas ruas e a diminuição da poluição, por que não?

Sou aberto a protestos, se não fossem eles, o mundo hoje estaría muito pior do que está.
O Brasil, provavelmente ainda tería um governo ditatorial e, definitivamente, não haveríamos diretas nas eleições dos nossos governantes.

Contudo, existem limites.

No dia 25 de fevereiro, deste mesmo ano, ciclistas saíram às ruas protestando contra o rápido avanço nos números de veículos que circulam pelas ruas brasileiras e celebrando o meio de transporte e "ecológicamente correto".
O protesto pacífico, que ganha status de celebração pelos próprios envolvidos, foi realizado no dia supracitado no bairro Cidade Baixa, Porto Alegre - Rio Grande do Sul.

Até aí, tudo bem.

Eis que, por volta das 19hs, na rua José do Patrocínio, enquanto todos os ciclistas, erroneamente, celebravam seu espaço nas ruas, no meio de uma delas, um carro abriu caminho por entre os ciclistas, atropelando-os violentamente.

O acidente foi gravado pelo cinegrafista amador Júlio Sulzbach, enquanto gravava a celebração.


Ok, por partes...
A atitude homicída de acelerar em direção de ciclistas é completamente inaceitável.
É crime e deve ser punido.

Todavia, o motorista não foi o único babaca dessa história.

Há de saber que, quando organiza um movimento em que envolve pessoas, a primeira coisa que deve priorizar é a segurança das mesmas.

Jamais pule de pára-quedas sem a devida instrução, equipamentos e check-up, correto?

Assim como nunca leve centenas de pessoas pra pedir por mais segurança aos ciclistas no meio de uma via importante da cidade.

É suicídio.

Você faz merda pra tentar impedir que a merda aconteça.

Antes de continuar quero deixar aqui a minha profunda ojeriza por humanos.
Humanos são desprezíveis, completamente egoístas e hipócritas.

Querem mais segurança para os ciclistas? Procurem orgãos responsáveis antes de simplesmente jogar esses vermes no meio da rua, achando que não seríam repreendidos.
Não defendo o assassino do carro preto, mas nunca defenderei esses babacas que acham que podem causar tal tumulto sem sofrerem, ao menos, alguns arranhões.

As notícias indicam que ninguém morreu, mas quase vinte ficaram feridos.
Considerem-se com sorte.

Humanos fedem mais do que dejetos dos seus animais de estimação e você sabe disso.
Jogam-se no fogo cruzado a fim de protestar contra as guerras.
Loucos suicídas que atrasaram a vida de milhares de pessoas da cidade, naquela tarde.

"News flash, punks... you're not alone"

Eu só me preocupo com o pobre cão que aparece aos 0:29s de vídeo.
O pobre animal não tem nada a ver com esse protesto.
Ele nem ao menos anda de bicicleta.

Mais uma vez, salientar, não defendo o babaca que atropelou o pessoal aí.
Espero que todos tenham superado bem o susto e fica o aprendizado para a próxima:

"Quando protestar por segurança, priorize-a".

Espero não estar sendo muito rude e, se estiver, foda-se.
Esse texto é inteiro motivado por comentários ridiculos de muitos usuários do youtube publicados nesse vídeo.

O dia em que resolvi dar mais uma chance à TV Aberta Nacional

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Passava uma série americana, com legendas em português.
A série mostrava a história real de adolescentes norte-americanos.
A vida dura deles no primeiro mundo, saca?

Passava um programa onde um homem usava uma fantasia de cachorro.
Ele, por algum motivo, tinha que passar por aquelas maratonas para cães.
No final, teve que comer como cão e beber água como cão.
De quatro, sem usar as mãos, saca?

Passava, em um programa, uma lista de vídeos "engraçados" da internet.
Os vídeos em sí, até tinham sua graça,
mas a voz que, erroneamente, os narrava fazía o favor de estragá-los.
Nenhum vídeo passa inteiro ou sem sofrer uma pausa durante o mesmo.
Para todos os vídeos "engraçados" a voz tinha um comentário sobre.

Passava um programa inteiro sobre Carnaval.
Já não bastar o país parar para tal "evento festivo",
agora existem programas só para o mesmo.
O programa tinha como propósito passar um pouco do que será o carnaval.
Ou seja, uma espécie de preview da pior festa do mundo,
equivalentes a raves e baladas "tush-tush" (?)

Desliguei a TV e fui dormir.

Mr.Pitiful - Pré-Julgamento 2

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Partindo pr'outra ideia...
Eew, onde estava? Perdi-me em um mar de palavras e informações. As coisas voam nos dias de hoje.
Acho que, as mesmas, voam desde a invenção do avião... mas com essa intensidade, é a primeira vez que vejo.

Ok, aqui algum amontoado de opiniões:

Grupos sociais ainda fedem. Preconceito? Sim. Tavez. E daí?
Vão me prender por isso? Vão lá... façam o que tem que fazer.

Lembram-se do jogo? Pré-julgamento; Falsidade; Pós-julgamento.

Ainda no mercado, noto um grupo de 4 ou 5 amigos, digo isso porque um deles não estava de acordo com os outros, era totalmente de fora e parecia ser o "conhecido do amigo de um dos outros quatro", o que é o menos importante, todos os quatro uniformizados: Flamengo; Fluminense e São Paulo vestiam aqueles seres.

Fácil, pela aparência - calção, camiseta de time, sandálias e óculos escuros.

Falavam alto, riam e deixavam o "conhecido do amigo de um dos quatro" completamente de fora da conversa que, o mesmo, tentava inutilmente se enturmar com algumas risadas em momentos falhos.

A esse, atribuo o perfil de "wannabe".
Babacas, aos outros.

O grupo formava uma roda, no meio de um corredor vital para o bom fluxo de pessoas dentro do supermercado, é óbvio que eles estavam atrapalhando, mas você acha que eles se importaram com isso? São trouxas que acham que são superiores a qualquer um.

Fiquei de longe, encostado junto a uma parede, só observando... como as pessoas são estranhas.

Gostei de um perfil que vi. Um rapaz de, provavelmente, 20 anos, trabalhando no mercado.
Usava uma blusa, calça jeans e um all star sujo.

Em tempo: lá fora, na sombra, fazía um calor de 25º aproximadamente.

Ele sorria, brincava sutilmente com seus companheiros de trabalho e corria pra lá e pra cá, subindo e descendo as escadas de acesso aos escritórios superiores.

Pareceu-me dedicado e tranquilo.

No mais, fiquei irritado com algumas crianças.
Eu geralmente as acho um tanto quanto bonitinhas, todavia discordo da ideia de levar um ao supermercado. Sério.

A titulo de enriquecimento de dados: Supermercados são lugares onde TODO MUNDO vai para comprar a maior variedade de coisas. Desde pneus para seus carros e DVDs para seu entretenimento, a produtos alimentícios de consumo a longo e curto prazo.

Geralmente tem corredores desproporcionais ao grande número de pessoas que, por hora e por ali, passam.

Por isso, digo com a maior segurança: criança e supermercado não combinam.

Por quê? Ok... crianças são pequenos objetos do demônio, fazem-te comprar absolutamente tudo e qualquer coisa, só porque isso pisca ou aquilo brilha.
Chamou atenção da criança, você paga. Não diga o contrário.
Mães despreparadas, acham que se saciarem a vontade da "pobre" criança vão conseguir arrancar um sorriso da cara do pequeno e ter um pouco de sossego, fazendo-o parar de berrar, gritar, espernear e chorar enlouquecidamente enquanto todos no mercado olham para a mãe com olhares de "eew, não cuidas direito do teu filho!".

Digo tudo isso porque sei o quanto as crianças de hoje em dia - geração ben 10 - são mimadas e pouco valor dão às coisas que já tem.

Outro dia, ouvi uma menininha, dever ter lá seus sete ou oito anos de idade, cantando uma música que diz: "Quero me divertir como o meu avô se divertia, rodar peão (...) Não quero celular, nem internet" - ou algo próximo disso, com a mesma ideia. Ok, na boa? Experimenta jogar fora o celular, que essa criança provavelmente já tem, mesmo com seus oito anos de idade, pra ver se ela não começa a berrar e espernear. Dá um peãozinho de cordinha pra ver se ela para de chorar.

Mães compram sandálias do Ben 10 para seus filhos, bonequinhas com casinhas de praia e mansões de luxo para suas filhas.

Aos nove já tinha celular e computador com internet; aos onze já navegava na net; aos treze já via pornografia no youporn; aos quinze já tinha entrado em todas as redes sociais e gravara um vídeo para o youtube imitando o PC Siqueira; aos dezoito marcou um encontro com uma garota que conheceu no Badoo, descobriu que era um pedófilo de trinta e oito anos, foi molestado; aos dezenove prometeu que ficaría só com o orkut, por causa da Mini Fazenda, e com o msn, por causa dos contatos; aos vinte e um conheceu uma garota de verdade, fez juras de amor eterno; aos vinte e três perdeu a virgindade; aos vinte e cinco trocou a namorada por um iMac; aos vinte e sete, ao perceber as merdas que havia feito na merda de vida que havia levado, matou-se com um tiro no céu da boca.

E assim, morre mais um "nerd" moderninho.
Por que "no meu tempo" - e eu que jurava de pé junto que nunca diría essa frase - ser nerd era ter relógio com calculadora, um windows 95 e jogar nintendo. "No meu tempo" ser nerd era ser idiota, babaca e ser zoado por todo mundo.

Hoje em dia, eles chamam essas zoações de bullying e ser nerd é estar na moda.

Então, numa boa, enfiem a moda nos seus respectivos orifícios anais e se você se sentiu ofendido com este texto, senta lá... aham.

Preconceito? Não. Talvez... bite me.

Mr.Pitiful - Pré-Julgamento 1

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Grupos sociais fedem. Agora em português.

Sim, grupos sociais, definitivamente, fedem... e se você está achando que, com isso, quero dizer que as pessoas fedem, pois bem, você está achando certo.

Sem querer dar piti e bancar o misantropo, mas o comportamento das pessoas, diante às divisões da sociedade atual, é completamente deplorável.

Vou generalizar neste texto, já quero deixar isso adiantado, porém somente uma minoria foge um pouco do que gostaría de relatar nas linhas seguintes.

Ontem fui ao supermercado com minha mãe, a tarde estava muito ensolarada e sem nenhuma nuvem ao céu. O calor estava de matar, contudo eu insistia em vestir a minha flanela sobre minha camiseta preta e uma calça jeans, eer, um tanto quanto justa.
Pois bem, lá estava eu, esperando-a logo após o caixa, para ajudá-la com as sacolas e tudo mais, porém a fila estava muito grande e eu esperaria ali por cerca de trinta minutos.
Aprecio muito jogos mentais; jogos em que eu sou o único jogador e jogos que eu não preciso me jogar na lama pra me divertir. Eu não sei se você - ou a "sociedade" - já criou algum nome para esse jogo, mas eu simplesmente nunca pensei sobre isso. Preciso?
O jogo se basea em pré-julgar as pessoas que, por você, passam. Sim, pré-julgamento é um ato muito idiota, mesquinho e egoísta. No entanto, só deve ser encaixado nestes "elogios" se, por algum acaso, você for um completo babaca que ultrapassa os limites de um simples jogo para realmente tratar uma determinada pessoa a partir do pré-julgamento, por você, realizado.
Faço isso porque é divertido e pronto, não saio por aí agindo com estupidez com pessoas que eu não conheço só pela roupa que ela está vestindo, ou sua companhia em determinado momento.

Super-mercados são lugares deveras interessantes. Vários grupos sociais por ali passam... diferentes a cada segundo. Gosto de notar esse tipo de coisa, mas a "coisa" sempre acaba ficando feia, saca?

Eis um casal, o homem veste uma camiseta branca, básica (sem estampas), uma calça jeans clara e "folgada"; além de um par de chinelos de marca famosa. O cabelo meio bagunçado, despenteado, porém muito bem cortado. Não usa nenhum acessório. Magro (não deve fazer acadêmia), alto e com uma postura ereta.
Uma aparência dessa, passa-me, no mínimo: tranquilidade; simplicidade (no melhor estilo da classe média); simpatia e segurança. Não deve ter nenhuma tendência suicída ou homicida. Parece fiel ao namoro e leva, o mesmo, bastante a sério a ponto de deixar o clima entre os dois, eternamente romântico, divertido e íntimo, ao mesmo tempo.

Adendo: eu posso estar completamente errado sobre o cara. Ele pode ser um grosso que tem tendência a trair a namorada e tal, mas eu não quero comprovar o meu julgamento. Perde a graça do jogo.

E a garota? Também com "pés livres", usava uma sandália, um vestido florido, na altura do joelho. Tem um rostinho angelical em meio a manchinhas ruivas. Olhos escuros e longos fios lisos e ruivos. Uma "bonequinha".

(Eu não sei por que me amarro em ruivinhas sardentinhas. -Fetiche?)

O casal, numa análise geral, parece se dar muito bem... todavia, pareciam ter começado o namoro há poucos meses. Terão um futuro bacana.

Pois é, mas... e aquela história de que grupos sociais fedem e tal? Sei lá, acho que discorro mais sobre o assunto num próximo post. quem sabe, né?

You are being watched.

#1 - This is not my favorite way
don't you ever saw the eyes on the wall?
don't you ever heard the gossip about you?
should it.

They're looking for you, trying to see you fall down.
They're watching for you, trying to see your mistakes.

Everytime you fail, they'll have a picture with your shame. and...
everytime you create something, they'll be there to copy it.

So... watch your back and keep safe.

#2 - The easy thing.
Alright, alright... it's kinda paranoid, but not totally... you really should watch your back and try to move yourself alone, you know? you are alone in the world... you and yourself. Yes, it's kinda dark, but you'll survive, or don't... well, you still have your family, but stay alert.

The eyes are all over the place.

Today was a nice day, my head hurst like hell, but... was a pretty nice day. I've some juice on the fridge and cookies, so... I'm pretty fine, in fact... better than any other day of this week.

Probably the cold makes me painfully well.

Highway to nowhere

Leave me alone, right now... you all. I just need a minute to put my thoughts in order and keep myself calm. "They have some problem..." that's it. What else could it be? Everybody now are going to a highway with no destiny... trying to eat more and more stuff without digesting. Absorb everything of the world without think about it... Music, videos, texts and even reviews from others.

They eat but they don't prove.

They're all going to nowhere with this whole thing about see but don't get it... we all need to form opinions by ourselves about every stuff we see, read and heard to go ahead and get a better world... at least around us. What do you absorb but not really stop to think about it?

Blame it on the people. Everybody wants to be better than each other.

Is pitifully and stupidly annoying this egoism of the people, this falsity for each other... we see this all day and everywhere... and we practice.

"George was a nice guy, he lived until 1968 in Saint Paul, MN by himself, during 75 years... His house was pretty small and old, but never was messy. He always wrote pages and pages with beautiful poems and lyrics that he used to sing sometimes... Yes, he also was a singer, a great singer, in fact, the best of the town... but nobody never knew him. A voiceless singer, died without any respect or recognition that deserved."

What George has with all of it? He was misanthrope... born alone, lived alone and died alone, and you know why? Because people suck. He knew it.

There will always be someone who'll try to put you down and the only thing you'll be able to do would be ignore or act like an animal, putting him down and becoming like him.

Think about it!