Weird. I can't feel my legs. What's all this? Well, certainly not a dream, that looks just like a nightmare, a perfect one, the one I'm dying in the end, but it's still real life, with the whole part of dying and things, so what's all this about? to have fun? feel free to it. feel loved? to love someone? how sure can you be that you're not going to be hurt as soon as you turn your back on doing something else. well, news flash, you don't, you just have to trust and, in the end, this is the worst part. that part you have to look around, not seeing the one you wanted to, so hard, but you have to deal that everybody got its own life and you don't own anyone so you've got let 'em go, by themselves, so what? what's all about this? what are you made of? do you have a place to die on? somewhere to rest and to think about life and stuff, so what? who parked the car on the sidewalk? who does the shit? who gives a shit? well, news flash, you do... and as much as you want to stop giving a fuck, I can't stop thinking about what you've been doing or who you've been with, or even talked to, because - you know - these things are important to me, way much more than the television crap shows, for example, but you're more important to me than even feed myself. it doesn't sound right but I'd like to know ya' even better and I'd like to own ya' even more, but I' can't actually deal with myself, how could I possibly deal with someone else? well, I guess my only option, again, is to trust, which is what I'm worst of it, because - you know - I've been through a lot of shit last time I've gave myself completely to someone else, then I've got my heart broken and had my arms cut, for some unknown reason we're not actually discussing right now, or even here. wait, what? why does that guy hit on you all the time? why do you sound proud of calling that much attention? some things I just can't buy, it seems I'm just going to have to leave it all behind and forgive it all. maybe one day I'll get that and I'll be living cool and refresh. someday we'll be part of our own bodies and then we'll be able of living a life better, together or not, I want you with me, for good. as long as you don't kill me for being a jerk, I want you right next to me, forever and ever, do you want to make this last forever? okay, the references again - blink-182 was this last one - haha, here's a thing: you and me; two kids and a dog... what do you say, honey? want to live our lives like we're always good? could you promise me to give your best onto me while I'd do the same to ya'? this is the time I feel alone during the night: 3:10am and I just can't sleep - I'm listening "Rap God" by Eminem and it's crazy as hell - I should put some MIKA on and try to get some sleep. whatever, I enjoy to share with ya' a couple of my thoughts on us and I think we're doing great, a great time, serious shit. don't get me wrong when you see me "hearting" a bunch of bodies and adult crap - it's a reasonable way of killing the time I'm without ya' - just think about it: I'm without you, I'm thinking about you, I can think you hate me or I can hit like upon some unknown asses and untouchables ones. get it? it can make some sense if you think about it: like, it's better than letting my mind playing tricks on me, right? besides, the pictures are beautiful their way and I've told ya' how much you and our sex experience had been driving me crazy, right? it's serious shit. you really know how to ride and stuff, but what then? what do I've got from all this? well, I can give a "heart" on some internet pic, but I'm sure about the only body I'm looking for in real life, of course, it's yours. well, but here's another thing: you drive me nuts and you know that, besides, it's amazing how open and free you allow me to be with you, about everything, and more, about sex, love, relationship, friendship, college, work, enjoying life, family, our past, future, what we're having now and even what we're going to watch next weekend. gosh, that's serious business. I do love you and I do feel great with you, so I shouldn't have anything to complain about it. why do I still make drama when a guy likes and comment all of your pictures from a social media, or sometimes you do the same on his? why would I care that a plenty of guys thumbs up your profiles pictures every time you change it, or how would I be jealous of you talking to 'em? now even with female friends, again, why would I do that? why would I care about your co-workers taxing you all around even when you've said you wouldn't take taxis from them? again, what am I made of? I don't know, maybe I'm just waiting for the time you really find someone more interesting, of whoever can drive you crazy in a way I'd never be capable of. maybe deep inside, I'm just afraid of being myself, then I think everything I ever done wasn't good enough for you, then I think everyone around you can do better. yea, I'm a mess, I know that, but you know what? I still love ya' and I'm trying my best here not to bother you with these silly shit I've been doing. I'm still thinking on those two kids and that dog. I'm still thinking about that menage and who you would pick to be with us both and... wait, what? haha again, don't get me wrong. it's just a fantasy. again, what am I made of? can I tell you my last nightmare? I mean, last afternoon, I've dreamed about a couple involved in a car accident, unfortunately their three little kids were on the back seats. little babies. they've got injured, badly, I remember the dad's face getting out of the car and - crying as hell - staring at the barely dead bodies of their own kids. it was sad. I've hear - during the dream - that the wife had and affair with some random guy of her work and her husband found out, so they were in a middle of a discussion so couldn't realize the stop sign and, in a high speed, their car went directly into a truck's side. the truck's driver were fine, that husband's life were gone, even alive, he found out his wife had an affair, got involved in a car accident, injured and still saw his three little angels' last breathes. she died that day too.
I don't know what to say... What was that? Haha
I guess this is how my mind works, sometimes. I like to write to you and keep writing, without knowing exactly where the sentences are going or how I'm finishing up. That's the whole charm in the end, right? To open myself as much as I can and let all the thoughts appear on the words.
I hope you can understand this madness and forgive me for all the things I've possibly have done wrong to you and, please, don't forget that I love you and I'll always want to be with you and, as much as I can, I want to know about you, because that's what puts me up all day long: you. I care about you. Now and forever. I want you with me, as long as you don't get bored and tired of me. Love. Love. Love. I love you, my darling.
Serious business.
Love ya'.
Respectfully,
Your Man
