What am I doing tonight? I don't know for sure.
Am I going home. It could be.
I wish that I could drive myself to your place.
...and stay.
I wish that I was your first and main subject in all your conversations.
Sometimes I really think I'd love you even more if you had no friends.
...at all.
It hurts to think that I'm this obsessed, again.
Nice to meet you, honey. It's a pleasure to see you.
My name is Sickness, nickname Love.
...and smile.
Unfortunately I'd be always waiting more and more from you.
I think you will never be able to fill this black space on my, because you'll never get it.
I need you to the most, but it's more than that.
I need your attention, your dedication and your smile.
I'm sick, I'm being honest when I say I want you, to the most.
...and cry.
I cry because I don't have you. You're truly tired of this feeling I'm putting you on.
I cry because it doesn't seem that you care that much, I'm sorry, it seems fake to me.
...fuck.
I love you, but I can't hold this.
I love you, but I don't think you're able to love me back the way I wanted to.
Because you're a regular person, with regular feelings and thoughts.
I'm a freak. Body and soul.
Let me tell you a story: once upon a time, a boy who lived in his room, listening to his songs, doing his stuff. Suddenly a girl took him off from that place and started to show him how beautiful life outside could be, he loved it. Actually, he became addicted to it and her. She gave him everything that made possible for him to think that he ruled the world, even her soul. Heart, body and soul. She was a freak too. They've loved themselves very much, but he realized he missed his room, his stuff, his lyrics and his earlier dreams... He was being destroyed by the facts, the new stuff... he started to hated. He gave himself to the most and started to hate to be that way. His sick version of a nowhere boy. The worst part of it. He left her. He was alone now... into this brand new world. I guess this is growing up, isn't ? Well, It is, but he hated to be growing. He missed every single inch of his room. Then he found a blond and sexy girl who putted his up and started to love him and care him in a way he was never loved and carried. Again he was thrown into that world, but now sick and tired of everything, despite the fact now he had a girlfriend. She loved him, to the most. She wanted him to the most. Then he got desperate for her and her green eyes, and her blond hair, and her thought, ideas, dreams... but it wasn't enough, because she lived that world way more time than him and she had more experience with the people around. Let me tell you something... he was crazy for that girl, she gave love back, but it wasn't enough. He used to dream about a room with 'em both. Living together and alone. Together and away from everyone else... Unfortunately she had a home. A place to take care. Friends to care about and laugh with it. A family. It'd be completely sick for her to give away everything and run away with a sick version of a sick boy who used to live inside of a room, sleeping all day long and listening too much crappy music about his loneliness. In fact, he started to wait another attitude from her. He started to think that she wasn't giving herself that much. At least, not the much he wanted to. He became aggressive with words, and he started to doubt on every single line she said... and every single smile was false to him. Then he felt like he was the only one on the mood. The only one crazy about that relationship, but what he haven't realized that time was that she didn't need him the much he used to need her. She had the control of her life, thoughts and feeling, but he hadn't. She could live a life without him, he couldn't. In fact, every time they were down in the relationship, she could easily start to talk to someone else, laugh about some random joke and forget about the issues that boy was giving to her, but he couldn't. The he started to complain about it. It was the worst thing he could ever done. He started to piss her off and instead of smiles he started to make her cry. Sadly, he gave up. He started to be good with every thing he received, then he started to realized that he was luck if he, at least, had her "good morning" every single day. I don't think that boy could make her happy, ever again, but he was okay with anything she had to him, even if it was a single "hello" word or the silence. He was okay, because he started to not expect anything from her, because she wasn't able to give to him that sick and obsessive love he wanted to the most, guess why, because she had a life and he hadn't.
Love you.
Sincerely yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment