Painfully Well: "18/07/2013, sem mais."

She looks me with a smile.

Last Thursday we met some of her friends, named here, for the purpose, Laura and Fred. A nice couple. Well dressed and funny talking. Fred was dressing a suit and glasses that made him looks just like a serious lawyer that he actually is. Laura was dressing some “adults” clothes and by “adults” I mean, high heels, soft make up and a black corselet.

My honey? Well… my lovely company was simply perfect, of course she was. She wore my favorite Kurt-Cobain-Style shirt because of the cold wind and some cool plain clothes.

Am I forgetting something?

Certainly I am. I am sure I have missed something. The most important thing, by the way.

Okay, let me introduce all over again.

I have met her friend first, at her job.

We have talked about the clothes she would use and the ones she had borrow to my girlfriend that night, she thought it would be funny some other kind of clothes. In a couple of minutes, Laura introduced me to her friend, the lawyer I have mentioned before, even without him around to be sure she was not creating any thoughts on him, differently than what he really is and then she left with the promise of letting me see my lovely partner soon.

There she came.

We have checked in a small hotel we booked, which has a good-sized room in a high floor with a shower that I have loved to the most that got hot in a way I have almost burnt my skin.

She took a shower first, mine was in the day after, but for some unknown reason it feels like I am still missing some, way important, thing that happened that night. The most important thing. Our first time.

A very honest, pure, mature, respectful and… Gosh!

I was completely nervous when we started to kiss that I just could not handle myself. I was not comfortable at all when she took her clothes first than I did.

Wait, I need a moment.

Okay.

She has the most beautiful body I have ever seen in my entire life, period. Like this. Period.

First, I got on the top and then I have felt just like a virgin again, when we started to take our clothes off I did not know for sure what I was doing.

I thought I would fail. It would be awful.

The thing that I wanted to the most, with the person I have felt in love for, in the right moment, at a good place, with the right thoughts… I could not stop thinking that I would fail, anyway.

Everything came to my mind and I have got really – really – nervous, for sure.

I felt like I needed to do something that could change the way I was nervous. Then I did it, therefore.

I took her legs closer to my body and putted my head between. I sucked her. Literally.

I was too thirsty for it. For her, and I loved it… I loved it so much that I got ready.

One more time, as a virgin, I went directly to kiss her and got into her in a way it might be consider gentle, but rough, at the same time.

I did not know much to do, but I knew exactly what I wanted. Her.

The movements were simple and somewhat gentle. Soft and nervous, but respectful and it got a little dirtier – somehow – later when I felt more confident.

After a couple of minutes, I knew what I was doing, but I was afraid of not being able to handle her.

I could not cum. We were not even using condoms at that time that I just could not finish myself.

Fortunately, Laura started to text her saying that she was coming to meet us up so we had to stop banging each other and also because she realized some blood on my bellybutton.

"Did I take too hard?"

Uh. We had our time. A tough one, which I liked it.

She took a shower while I was laying down praying that she had loved our first time.

Then she went out, we enjoyed ourselves a little bit more and then we met her friends.

The couple was fine. We had a good time.

We ate at a random Subway and then Fred drove us to a Jazz Pub.

She was wearing my shirt and I have felt in love for her – again – because of the way she shown herself interesting during a few imported beers and a sweet jazz music.

I have tried to ask the band for dedicating a song to her using the waiter for it, but because of the time and how thirsty we were for ourselves, we got off the pub before the lead singer had the chance to read my note.

Just a couple of words in a piece of paper.

We were back at the hotel around 2AM, maybe. I just remember the fact that we just could not help ourselves. I mean, she was not drunk, neither was I, but to be honest, I was somewhat high. Not because of the alcohol, but for the joyful moment we have had together.

Our first time happened again, for the second time I was virgin again, but I was able to enjoy a little bit more – and better – for the fact I have gave myself too much on that moment that I could not feel any better with my own desire. I was not even able to control my own feelings. My desire on her was not rational, anymore.

I have had her - musically – I have had her again. There was MUSE playing along.

We have lasted longer than their whole “Absolution” album that we had to put some other bands, like Hives and Red Hot Chili Peppers. It felt amazing. It was amazing. Just wonderful.

She was wonderful.

Beautiful and wonderful. For a couple of hours there, she was completely mine.

We did in a couple of ways, which I have never thought I would be able to handle in our very first time… I have had her on my mouth in a hard way. That is probably because I wanted to dry her at a point she would never forget me, no more.

I felt like I needed to be the best.

Make her feels like a real woman, being the fucking best.

She replied to it.

She did some movement I liked to the most and she was really up on what was happening that I just loves the sweet view of her as a grown up woman, fully naked.

Funny little fact about that night.

She wore nothing but a The Used black shirt.

It is, like, her way to sleep more comfortable. I loved it. I loved the way she looks on that shirt.

I felt in love again.

We slept.

We got tired and then we slept. It was too late and we could not take ourselves no more.

Both got tired, and then we slept.

It was just wonderful how close she was from my body. It felt like the best rest I have ever took.

Uh…

Have I mentioned the fact she was wearing nothing but a The Used black shirt? And nothing else?

Damn, I have felt in love one more time.

Suddenly during the night, we woke up ourselves kissing each other while sleeping. It was like an hour before we planned to wake up for breakfast, and then it happened again.

When I realized she was on me and I was on her, already. Into her.

For one more time, I have felt in love for that beautiful blonde hair that I have pulled hardly and those green angel eyes that were barely open.

This third part of our first time happened in the purest and heavier way ever possible. She was praying for my body and so was I for hers.

We have got even deeper, harder and stronger, and – even in the morning, without any songs – she drove me crazy with those little sounds she was doing and her faces I had the opportunity to see again.

Her body fitted perfectly on my and her hug while sex was just the most incredible thing I have ever experienced in my whole sex lifetime; the most wonderful moment I could never possible think about it.

I loved the way she rode me.

How hot and good-looking she was while got on the top of me, going up and down with that shirt on.

She could not control her own eyes during sex, so badly that she gave up on staring at me.

We just could not stop. It was a non-stop love sharing and brutal/tough desire being shown there that we were not able to think straight, which made us keep going… taking a breath, keep going and going, harder and harder.

We have tried doggy style, a couple of times. She is too good at it.

I loved her laying down letting me choose how fast or strong we were taking.

Such a perfect Thursday night.

Such an awesome Friday rainy morning.

We gave up on the "finishing thing" and threw ourselves under the shower kissing ourselves badly.

I felt in love. Again.

I was amazed with the feeling she provoked on me every single minute.

I was amused with the smiles she provoked me.

I felt in love again.

It is fun how rainy morning used to get me bored and pissed off, but sometimes they fit perfectly to the moment. Once you have the prettiest girl in the whole wide world with you, nothing can piss you off but the fact that she needs to move on with her life.

Then we woke up that Friday morning and had sex.

A tough and beautiful sex. It was the best fuck I ever had and we did it in a way I have never thought I would be able to handle after so many time without practicing.

Instead of leaving the hotel and leave her for work, we just went down do the restaurant and had our breakfast while it was “raining cats and dogs”.

She needed to work, I was about to go home. We got wet a little bit walking with no umbrellas on us.

After check out the hotel – that we only paid for a bottle of water we needed to the most during our third time doing it, because our mouths were so dry we could not handle it – we bought a chocolate at a drugstore and waited for her time to work.

It is funny how people stare at you when you are practicing a different language in public. How can they feel so uncomfortable with the idea of someone else speaking in words they do not get it?

Anyway, the hours were going away and my time had come.

I left her that morning for work. Got my bus and my memories from the night before.

Everything we did and everything we built with that night – and morning – helped me to understand the size of the feeling that I have inside of me for those beautiful green eyes and shiny blonde hair. Ithelped me to realize how lucky I am for having the most gentle, cute, beautiful, lovely, charm, gorgeous and hot woman I have ever met.

The one I just will not give up on trying to make her happy.

The one is showing me again a feeling that back there I thought it disappeared, the same one that I saw as dead or never existed in the first place. A feeling called love.

I hope I am not taking things too fast.

I am trying hardly to follow my heart senses and for the very first time, in my entire life, it keeps telling me she is the one I need in my life. She is the girl I want with me, building the perfect structure to turn all my dreams true, because for the very first moment in my life I feel like I am giving myself the true feelings I have ever looked for.

She is the one to take care for me and I want to be the one who cares on her.

I hope she understands how big this feeling inside of me is and how important she became in my life, at this moment and for the rest of my times.

To you, my love.