I can feel death, can see its beady eyes.

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"All these things we'll one day swallow whole

And fade out again"

"Street Spirit (Fade Out)" by Radiohead.

It seems like hearts have been broken.

The only voices I can identify inside of my head says "STOP" and another one that says "TALKING" - well, I don't know if they're combined, but I can't tell why I've been so messed up.

Maybe she wasn't the sick one, maybe she got sick for me being the sick one.

Maybe she was right, maybe I was the baddest thing that ever happened to her.

I don't know what to say and no longer what to think.

I've thought I've had you also as a friend, but I can see I've lost that a long miles ago and I don't know exactly why.

It's okay for you to ignore me from now on, 'cause I'd do the same if I were you.

The psycho and immature son of a bitch who suddenly started to talk shit and made you need a friend.

Another one. A different one.

Wasn't you supposed to be a friend of mine, either? Shouldn't we be able to count on ourselves when the things get bad? I guess that was a misunderstanding, because the time I needed you to the most or opened myself up that much, I haven't you. Not the way you've said I've had it and certainly way more different than the way you've been saying you've being. What was the point of asking myself to talk what I was thinking, in the first place? I wonder... Would you just let me die, for this once?

You've built these expectations on me. You've fed them up.

Dammit, I think I'm more angry and pissed then reasonable. I know I've been a jerk too, but I was counting on you, so I guess I'm sorry.

I should just come back to work and die. Silent, not to disturb anyone.

Doug

Screenplay

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"And... Action!"

"Easy boy, I'm robbing you. This watch comes with me. Take it easy"

"Wait, that's being in my family for years, you can't do that, please."

"Shut up!"

"Ju-just take it... Uh, just take something else."

"I've said, SHUT UP!"

"Well, then..."

"Woah, easy..."

"Take it, son of a bitch!"

"Stop it!"

"WHAT? STOP IT? YOU DESERVE WAY FUCKING MORE THAN THIS AND THAT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER. STAY CLOSE, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME HELL, YOU MAD QUEER!"

"Ok! Ok! For God's sake, I surrender, I give up!"

"YOU GIVE UP, YO LIL' QUEER? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING WITH ME?"

"Stop it! Please! Stop it! Take it back, keep the watch. I give up!"

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL A WORD, YOU LIL' DUMBASS, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING WITH ME? FIRST YOU COME HERE TO JACK ME AND THEN YOU CAN'T TAKE A LIL' FIGHT, YO' JACKASS! WHO HAVE YOU THOUGHT YOU'VE MESSED UP WITH? JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT IT AND LEAVE YOU THIEVES STEEL FROM THEM, DO YOU REALLY THINK I'LL LET YOU RUN AWAY WITH MY FUCKING STUFF? YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU'LL SEE SOME OF IT. YOU'LL DIE, MOTHERFUCKER, YA', THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE A GUN AND YOU WILL BE FUCKING DEAD OVER THIS. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. RIGHT OVER THIS. YOU'RE DONE, YOU ASSHOLE, TAKE A FUCKING TASTE OF A DAMN BULLET, LIL' BASTARD!"

"And... Cut! That was nice, but you've got to YELL IT when it's on caps, goddamn!"

Next.

The screenplay.

{photo: dark photography, black and white in a cold and rainy day - high contrast as low bright;}

{scenario: empty street; it's night and there's a few people at the frame;}

"A man coming back home is stopped by a thief who tries to steel him by grabbing his watch from his back and threatening him, but the man turns out and reacts to the thief and block his try. They start to fight with each other and the man gets really furious, beating the thief harder and harder in every single punch and kick he's able to give it."

{sound: gun fired;}

A Nobody's Home Novel, by Jon Kim - a random chines guy who gives a fuck about being wrong or right and just wants to make his movies, his style, at his own way, but his only regret is never getting money enough to hire a professional staff, so he needs to make it everything up into his own, which reflects negatively on his movies, just like this one that he was making try outs to the main characters. No one seemed to be good enough for the roll, unfortunately for our hero, Kim.

I've lost myself

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Funny fact: I'm tired of funny facts.

The more I fight, the more I clearly see the things going through my stomach and stabbing me just like a knife in a way that I just can't take it anymore. I don't know where or how I am and I hope somebody helps me with that, but I'm still lost, inside of a dark and cold room, just waiting for someone to turn the lights on and lead me to the right way... the right direction.

What if there's no right direction? What if we're here just for the moment. enjoy our fears and face our dreams as they really are on our own. What if? Maybe if I stop asking myself this I can go on with my life.

Geez... I look just like 17 year-old teenager who just felt in love with the school's hottest girl.

I'm just a mess right now and I'm not quite sure why, but I just know that the media ain't saving the day no more and no one even cares about, because the guy on TV is just an asshole.

Well, live your life and let it goes. Let the pain floats on the dark sea and the silence reach a brand new volume while you're sleeping. Yell it! Don't you never try again... It'll only happen once.

Let's try to be clear.

I'm only happy when I'm in my misery, I miss those times when I was that stupid teenager with nothing but dreams... In some others words, reality knocked me out. Really hard. I want to try it again. I want a new chance, so I'll make it right this time. I'm going to build something strong, may I?

That's probably one more of those new-year promises that never really come up, but I still can't stop wondering myself, what if?

Well, Why have you lost yourself? That's another question I'll never get the answer for and I don't know if it's right to care about it or just ignore like the rest of my life, well... I guess I'll be dead by sleeping too much, or you will... Ignoring this fucking thing that's fucking killing my soul. I should be happy and I really think I am, but I'm probably ignoring my thoughts again, just because they sound really stupid or too immature.

Why am I still waiting or can't I just stop caring at all? Well, that's probably because it gets all messed up when it looks everything okay. Well... or maybe it's just crap from my head. Fuck you, life. Fuck you, silence. Fuck you.

I should be sick and dead by now. Why can't I?

Let's move on, folks.

Tks.